Busy girls are happy girls! Or are they?
August 13th, 2021
Ann Collins
Busy girls are happy girls!"
No, it's not an affirmation that I'm going to suggest to you!!
One of the many interesting moments of my coach training with the wonderful Steve Payne was when I was used as a "demonstration" to show one way to address certain limiting beliefs that we often have created for ourselves.
I had adopted the "busy girls are happy girls" idea: a mantra that came from a particularly energetic Headmistress in a school assembly one morning and that was clearly delivered with a positive intention. I remember that we all found it hilarious, but personally, it seemed to be unknowingly lodged in my mind for quite a few years.
How did this manifest? I became an expert at "being busy"! I could fill a calendar expertly - when others would find it difficult to organise their diary, I had to fight against a tendency to fill every minute. And of course, as a teacher, a leader, a parent, a volunteer, an organiser, a 'doer', it was easy for me to be busy. But it was much less easy for me to use time to truly relax. I was the type of person who had to plan that in too!!
Before doing my coaching training, I hadn't actually even noticed this as a problem (the magic of coaching again is that we discover these!), but once I began to reflect on it, I started to understand why this belief was such a block, despite its original good intention: to achieve!
My limiting belief hinged on the fact that I believed that I couldn't be both: I couldn't be busy, productive AND allow myself to rest. Writing this now, I realise how this probably sounds to you, my reader! Bear with me! (How could I not see this?!)
Because this is exactly how limiting beliefs show up!
We don't always (often) even see them in their entirety. I knew the first part was there, but I hadn't seen how this was stopping me from resting.
However, this wasn't the most important discovery for me.
With my amazing coach, I worked through an exercise that allowed me to explore and understand that these two parts of me were not exclusive, in fact they could happily co-exist and furthermore, they both had the same goal of achieving my potential. I needed them both!
I realised how in my complete adoption of the "busy" part of me, I had blocked an essential part of me (the ability to truly relax) that I need to be efficient, productive and fulfil my potential.
This 15 minutes of coaching had a dramatic impact on me.
Firstly, it alerted me to this absolutely false conflict of busy being good versus relaxing (which I saw as a waste of time). I'm aware of it!
Secondly, in those moments where I was prone to jumping into a "busy girls are happy girls" mindset, I am able to ask myself the question: what do I need right now? I can allow myself to turn the mantra off and I can allow myself to truly relax.
In very practical terms, understanding this about my myself has allowed me to work at a pace and level that I have never done - in fact, my productivity has gone through the roof because it is in those moments of relaxation (often when out in the mountains nearby, swimming, sitting still with a coffee or chatting to a friend...) where I am at my most creative and productive!
In fact, my message to you is not only to relax and rest when you know that you need it.
Are you noticing other times when your inner voice or your beliefs are not helping you?
If so, are you seeing the whole picture?
What's the full impact of that belief?
Coaching allows us to take a huge step back from ourselves and discover things we can't see in ourselves which helps us to find solutions to changing deep beliefs that are holding us back.
It's not just about being more productive, more creative and more efficient - this is about enjoying life and doing what's important! Finding this balance feels great!
Often clients talk about how coaching gives them energy and hope because these small shifts to the outside world can have great impacts on us as individuals.
If this resonates with you, do tune into our special summer series of podcast episodes all about the Inner Voice. It's an absolutely fascinating subject that might just change your life!
I'm off for a relaxing coffee!
Have a great day
Ann..